Disclaimer: Yes, this post title accurately reflects its contents (aka: we’re talking about a topic that involves my va-jay-jay) So if that’s awkward for you or if you’re a guy friend/co-worker please don’t read this
I’m back! Well… kind of. I’m still in a bit of survival mode as we are no where near sleeping through the night, but I think I’m finally starting to adapt. Thank you guys so much for the sweet messages and comments and a special thank you for all of the advice you provided along the way – it was used and definitely appreciated.
Over the past few weeks I also got several messages asking for new mama tips that I’ve picked up along the away and for my birth story. It may take a few weeks but I’ve got several posts in the works that answer pretty much everyone’s questions and I’m starting a new blog tab to archive it all (come back soon to check it out!) I’ll start with my birth story since I loved reading these before Dylan because I really think they helped prepare me a little for what was about to go down. Although everyone’s different, here’s the story of how baby Dylan made it out the va-jay-jay:
So ever since we got pregnant I had a feeling Dylan was going to be a June baby. His due date was July 4, but I just had one of those deep down feelings he wasn’t going to make it that far… and only partially because I was constantly fattening him up with cheeseburgers and milkshakes. So on Saturday, June 30, I went to bed a little bummed only to stand up minutes later to my water breaking. And “breaking” is such an understatement… it actually busted, exploded, gushed. It was a moment of “I just totally peed myself, wait.. that’s a lot of pee and I didn’t even have to pee… oh snap, that’s not pee, I’m having a baby… oh wait please don’t come out in the toilet like they do on TV!”. So I immediately called the after hours line of my OB to let the hospital know we were coming, threw our stuff in the car, and kissed Bo goodbye, promising to bring him home a baby brother. And then as soon as we got into the car, the contractions began. For the past few weeks of false labor pains I kept telling my friends how much I hated the saying “when it’s real labor, you’ll just know!” but it’s so true. In my experience, you can’t walk and you can’t talk through them. You can walk/talk between them, but not during them. They hurt like a mother trucker.
Ok, so picture what happens next in fast forward as it’s just pretty standard stuff: Got to the hospital, filled out paperwork with a dumb receptionist while having contractions, then went into a triage room where they realized I was telling the truth about my water braking, hence the lovely amniotic fluid dripping down my leg. Then I was taken to the birthing room where I got my IV and this dreadful belly monitor strapped to me. HATED the belly monitor, mostly because it was super tight on my contracting belly but also because it didn’t really work and wasn’t giving me credit for the contractions I was having.. I’m not talking about a gold star but a pat on the back for doing this cave woman style for a bit would be nice!
So my plan all along was to get an epidural as soon as labor started. Hell, I would have gotten one in the car ride over if that was an option.. and as much of the stuff as my body could take. I’m talking pain free people. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen for me since the doctor on staff was caught up with the woman in the next room screaming at the top of her lungs. So I waited and waited and waited. Two hours later I was 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced AND finally got the epidural. I was pretty nervous about getting it, but it was literally a little bee sting and felt a million times better than the contractions or the IV did. The only bad part of the epidural was the shakes. Oh the shakes… I wasn’t prepared at all for my entire upper body to shake uncontrollably and I think it totally scared my mom and husband, who watched this whole process as if I was the Discovery channel.
So after the epidural, the nurse left for a while and said, “ok, now you just gotta hang out. Hit this button if you’re in any more pain”. I’ll totally admit that my pain tolerance sucks and even with the slightest pain, I hit the button. So around 10 button hits and 2 hours later, I felt a sudden urge to push and more “water” running down my legs. The nurse, who I think totally underestimated these birthing hips left us for a while and seemed very surprised when she returned to find me 9 cm dilated and fully effaced, aka: time to push that bambino outta there.
I guess because of the movies, I always imagined using stirrups to brace myself while I pushed, not my nurse holding one leg and my husband holding the other. It was awkward but after about an hour I had the process down: every time I felt a contraction coming on (and the stupid belly monitor confirmed it) “my birthing team” grabbed a leg and a foot and I pushed 3 times for 10 seconds. This continued about every 3-5 minutes for an hour. Then the scariness started – I started contracting every 1 minute and Dylan’s heart rate significantly dropped and the entire room panicked and my nurse picked up the phone (later to find out she was ordering an emergency c-section). The doctor rushed in and ordered the nurse to give me a shot of something to slow the contractions and several people flipped me on all fours (think yoga downward dog). My hair was covering my eyes so I had no idea what was happening as I couldn’t read facial expressions, but as soon as I was able to see Jer’s face, I knew it wasn’t good. He was straight up flipping out. A few minutes later they flipped me back on my back and Dylan’s heart rate was back around 150. Whatever they did worked and we continued to push and push and push. Finally 3 hours later the new doctor (I think the Dr. shift change totally screwed me here!) decided to perform an episiotomy. I was able to watch the entire birth process in the mirror across from me (which I totally recommend for a medicated birth, so that you can gauge your pushes) but I just couldn’t watch this part. Then there was a snip (which I never felt) and then I was told to push really hard. So I closed my eyes, held my breath, clinched my fists and pushed with everything I had. What happens next is something I’ll never forget so long as I live – the moment they put my sweet baby boy on my belly and he looked up at me. Every parent talks about the love they have for their child but it’s truly impossible for words to explain this love. It’s like no other and by far the most amazing feeling in the world.
So that’s the story of how my sweet Dylan made his grand entrance!
|My postpartum healing story is lots shorter. I followed my doctor and nurses advice to a T and healed my episiotomy and third degree tear in about 2-3 weeks. Every potty I used an epi spray bottle, New Mama Bottom Spray, Tucks and Epifoam. This is literally a breath of fresh air for your lady parts – def def def recommend all three.The day we left the hospital I asked my nurse for extra pads, undies and tucks and she totally hooked a sista up! Trust me, you’re paying for it, so take everything you can – diapers, wipes, soap and those plastic buckets for storing it all!|
So all in all what has surprised me the most about this journey is that the birthing process has honestly been the easiest part. Breastfeeding, sleep schedules, fevers and a screaming baby are way harder! Working on a few posts to share all this new mama drama with you soon!
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I'm Jamie, just one new mama organizing her way to a sweeter and happier home